How to Sustain Romantic Relationships and Marriages If Love IS Just Not Enough

If I were to pick one main reason why couples break up, without going philosophical on you :-) or touching metaphysical realm, and just look at practical aspect of relationships, I would suggest this simple idea:

See negotiation is a skill, but more importantly, it all comes down to willingness… Are you WILLING to negotiate?

If you hear your partner clearly expressing her / his needs that are not satisfied in relationships (and yes, I don’t want to dance around the idea that we must satisfy our own needs; it simply will undermine the need/purpose of relationships as a human phenomenon, so I suggest we don’t go there)…

So, if one hears his / her partner’s request for love that wants to be expressed in some particular form (as everything, any form of dissatisfaction, IS request for love) and he/she fails to “execute negotiation process” due to his / her own Ego (sense of self-importance and stubbornness) then he/she simply provokes the end of relationship.

The end might be gradual, but in this era, when we have learned that we have a choice of staying or leaving, choice that we are not robbed off by propaganda and imposed social conventions, the end of such relationship is inevitable.

We satisfy many of our human needs and desires through relationships, period. If we didn’t we wouldn’t need relationship at all, but as we all experience – we do need them (in one form or another, no matter how hard we pretend otherwise, and talk ourselves or others out of it). It might be not our primary need, as water or food, but is as equally essential as let’s say, roofs above our heads… Speaking of roofs, it’s almost ironic that we often call the right relationship (with a person who brings us sense of comfort) “Home”…

Relationships and our lives in general are moving targets. We acquire experiences, we change internally (and with that our emotional / psychological needs change), also our bodies change and with that – our physical needs)…

So, negotiation becomes a skill that is needed in relationship to address all the changes that our life takes us through, because what our relationships looks like yesterday is not what today is relevant…

So, one inevitably will fail if he / she ignores the need in constant re-negotiation, especially if one or both partners are on path of spiritual growth, accelerated emotional learning, or / and experimenting with various forms or self-realization in material world…

Negotiation with the one you love doesn’t have to be complex.

It’s enough to follow simple steps:

  • Notice when you are unwilling to bend, check out your Ego at the door and come into the room with willingness to negotiate with love, compassion and heart open for giving… The one that knows giving will laugh at the idea of sacrifice, remember? The thought about giving-in or about sacrifice is a thought that comes from imagining that lack exists. If the idea of lack exists there can be no love as Fear and Love are mutually exclusive.
  • Go extra mile to understand your partners concerns, hear, and I mean really hear, your partners cry for love, get very clear on her / his unmet needs.
  • Offer what you can to help them live fulfilling, joyous, peaceful yet exciting life. We all want it, we all fail to deliver it to ourselves to one degree or another. So if you love her, him, get over yourself and offer your loved ones support. Don’t patronize that you are two individual beings and have to take care of ourselves. With all honesty, if we all could, we would… But then, why do we need you? It might sound harsh, but isn’t it the truth of human existence. We come into relationships to better our lives, to make lives easier than we could live it alone… Hear me? Easier, not harder… And even thoub we endure hardship of relationships, as our individual personalities (Egos) clash, there should be enough to counter the hardship – enough joy, excitement, sense of peace and … ultimately sense of Home…

So, can you get over yourself, your ego, and receive the person, receive the way they express they cry for love… Can you step over all your investments in certain believes (she should or should not, have to, must not) and just be present to what is underneath of their anger and irritability, their fear and doubts, their sadness and complains…

We might not always control outcomes, but we definitely can control our efforts and develop disciplines and practices… to not only satisfy our own emotional needs and desires, but also to truly be giving to your partner and wholeheartedly, selflessly GIVE, to make their lives more fulfilling…

We all struggle in this life, to one degree or another… We all hurt, we all experience an abys of aloneness… So, can you at least do your part in this mystical dance, to comfort your fellow traveler, especially the one that you wake up with and see as the first miracle of each morning? The one that vulnerably seeks your love, and gives you love… Love that you desperately want, even if you’ve learned to pretend otherwise…

So, tell me, how are you showing up in your relationship today?

Happy and giving? Or… Have troubles in paradise?

In either case, I invite you to learn with me…

Here is my plug  :-)

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Much love to you…

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